i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize