How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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