I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize