i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
