he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You did what with his pubic hair?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
