the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
