I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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