Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
