Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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