Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Farmville is her only friend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
