there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
