gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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