its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
