somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
