He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
tell me about the fingering
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize