All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if only i could text you this smell
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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