So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
