I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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