Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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