I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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