he shaved USA in his pubs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize