Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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