so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
