Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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