Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
