I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
