That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
