Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
