Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
