I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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