I'm really into asian looking animals
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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