Nicole vs. Life
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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