now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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