Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
