I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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