Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
