if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
