Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
