maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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