Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize