this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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