look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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