Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
