Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
