I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had sex on a roof
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
