the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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