Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
