yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
