bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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