White coat. Heels.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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