She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
