Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize