You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
