Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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