Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I checked into jail on foursquare
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
