if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
