my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
