apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
