peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize