Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
