Apparently you make a good broom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
