i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
