can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
