To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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