even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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