I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
where are you?
Hypothermia
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
