Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
