Im at strip club and am horny
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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