So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
