Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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