No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
