i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
