can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
