can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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