I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
