If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
