So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
