New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've blown a few things in my day
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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