So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
