"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
