just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
