And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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