just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
