Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize