dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
