I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
