Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
