I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
