My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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