I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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