i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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