I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
