There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize