I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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