I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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