girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
