Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
