Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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