does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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