My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
