I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
