Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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