well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
