??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
