tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
