My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
