Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
