At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
