My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
