oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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