If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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