dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Welp...herpes.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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