He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will be naked everywhere
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
