are you still at the devil's house?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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