well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
