I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Panties = found
Randomize
