Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
